Coping with 'Special Characteristics' of AUTISM

It can seem (at times) that your little prodigy is bound to become the first child to get their doctorate at fourteen. At other times (and you know what I mean) you find yourself wondering if you can make it until the end of the day!

How in the world does one cope with a child who must be supervised at all times to prevent an ‘experiment’ with electrical wires “to see what would happen,” or a test in the microwave “because the fire looked pretty.”

Keeping the mind of an average child focused is a job in and of itself. Keeping the mind of a child with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder focused can be like trying to teach a group of farm chickens to ballroom dance!

There are days when no amount of bribery can crack through the wall that my son has built around himself and I have to stop and realize that the more I push the more he’s going to push back. Eventually we both lose. I’ve also learned that when I lose control and raise my voice or my hand I am the one who has lost. It’s not fair to him and not fair to push him to the point that I lose control.

What I’ve learned: schedule everything. Everything has a time and a place and the routine seldom changes. Then life happens and messes your “plans” all up but, if you try to stay on task, it’s much easier to look at the clock and keep things moving in a direction that your child has come to understand and accept.

A few more helpful tips:

• Talk slower, firmer and directly to the point.
• Don’t waste your time adding in ten or twelve adjectives to try and impress your child. They don’t usually care anyway. They either want to be a part of game or they don’t
• Explain the rules simply and completely. Don’t repeat them over and over. Only explain the rules when you are asked to. Chances are that when they are silent they are processing the data you just gave them. Give them a few more minutes to process.
• After a few minutes ask for some type of confirmation that they “get” the program, the plan or the rules. This usually when they will ask for further detail.
• Always answer with logic. “Because I said so” just doesn’t work for a child with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder. If you don’t want soup cooked in the microwave – still in the can – you need to explain the reason why. If you do not explain the dangers your child will likely try his experiment again.
• Give limited numbers of choices – two or three – when offering options to your child. Trying to assimilate more than three choices takes several steps:
• Input choices
• Analyze logic of each choice
• Format logic rule out non-logical choices
• Re-analyze remaining choices and prioritize
• Prioritize choices based on benefits of each
• Determine specific benefits and on and on….
And we wonder why we can’t get an answer in less than five minutes!
• Use creative methods to keep their attention focused on what you are trying to explain. I will often interject animals as part of my “program” – just for fun.
For example, I will say, “We will be going to the grocery store in 15 minutes. I need you to have your shoes on because the hyenas will be running lose today.” He will hear the word hyenas and usually hurry to do as I have asked him to!
Always include plenty of ‘transition time’ to avoid a melt down. An overload of expectations without time to prepare for change can create an immense amount of additional, unnecessary stress for both of you!
• Add some kind of activity to look forward to. Grocery shopping is seldom at the top of the list for my boys so a game we will play includes them helping me “find” items on each isle. I will usually make it challenging, where they have to find specific size and / or name brand. At 7 and 9, by boys are pretty good little shoppers but it wasn’t always that way!
• Encourage your child to have greater responsibilities. Give them opportunities to purchase items – all on their own.
• Include plenty of accolades for every good deed and successful experience. As they learn that they can do something well they will lose their fears to try new things.
• If and when you notice the same reaction happening more than 50% of the time – the pattern has been formed by your child. If it is a good reaction, try to build upon it and add more steps into the process.
For example, if your child is successfully responding to a 2 and 3 step procedure when you include the words, “Hop like a rabbit and put your socks and shoes on, please,” then you might want to try, “Hop like a rabbit and put your socks and shoes on and grab your backpack and jacket, please.”
As they successfully complete additional steps add more until they can be help responsible for more complicated requests. And, always, reward them with praise. Children on the spectrum generally respond well to praise and acceptance.
• Keep your promises and don’t make threats you don’t intent to follow through with. For example, if you tell you child you will take him to the pool after school then you should not let him down.
Likewise, if you tell you child that he or she will lose privileges if they don’t complete their chores you need to specify which privileges and follow through. Always try to encourage them to do their best. If and when they reach a point to where they are giving up it is a long battle to help them back up the hill.
• Teach your child a variety of ways to cope with overload situations. For my son, reading a book works to pacify him. At just about any location it’s acceptable for him to pull out his book and begin reading or even just look at the pictures. This helps to take his mind of the situation that is bothering him.
• Work hard to explain, by example, what is and what is not considered to be acceptable behavior. For example, I have used my arm as a “measuring stick” to explain the comfort zone that most people have. Based on this I explain that he needs to stay out of other people’s “zone.”
• Above all, tell and show your child in as many ways as you can how much you love and accept them – just as they are. When someone experience abandonment as a child they usually struggle with self-esteem issues their entire life. Children with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder have enough to deal with already!